The Thing About The Gym

This post is dedicated to all you first time gym goers like myself. After a week of working out at the local YMCA I like to consider myself an expert on the topic. You see, there are a few things they never tell you about the gym and I’d like to fill you in.

1.     First off, its nothing like the movies. The gym is not a place where relationships are made. Let me tell you what’s sexy about sweating your butt of while only carrying 2 pound weights…nothing! I’m speaking from experience. I march on that elliptical like a Christmas reindeer Rockette. And sorry to bust the myth ladies, but my observations have shown me that boys actually go to the gym to workout-I know…shocker! I am so on to you girls in your cut-off tank tops, treadmilling on the side facing the bench press. He’s not looking at you ma’am-you and your yoga pants should check out the closest Starbucks.

A family that works out together, stays together.

2.     There are certain times of the day you should avoid the gym or adapt to your surroundings. Here’s the break down- in the morning all the moms are there. They like to occupy the cardio equipment. Many of them come in pairs and sometimes they get a little chatty. Turn your music up and throw out a “Girl, no way you had ___ kids! You look great!” every once and a while and you’ll be good.  Around noon all the elderly show up. This can be good or bad. Old people like to cover all the bases at the gym but particularly the bicycles and the pool. This time is good because you don’t have to worry about anyone showing you up, but there is always that one air force veteran lifting cars in the corner and putting everyone else to shame.  After six is college/dad time. It’s when everyone’s off work and ready to be alone at the gym. Its best not to talk to strangers at this time. Just go by the headphone rule, if they have both in or none in- they don’t want to talk. If they have one in, casual conversation is fine-but keep it short, remember that last point.

3.     If you are doing any kind of vigorous running, don’t try to drink out of your water bottle. You will spill it-it will be embarrassing.

4.     Most gyms have a bin for sweaty towels. This bin looks like a trash can-don’t throw trash in it. And don’t get cocky with this fact and start throwing your used towels in the trashcan.

5.      Know your limits people. This isn’t the eighth grade where the fastest kid is the coolest. Sure, it’s impressive to lift heavy objects and out squat your friends-but its not cool to pass out in public or puke doing leg curls.

6.     Headband. Don’t get sweat in your eyes. Its gross.

Enjoy the gym everyone!