The Thing About Flying

    The whole airport/flying experience has the potential to be really wonderful or really not wonderful.  Wonderful is the sweet old lady in the boarding line telling you all about her grandkids and how excited she is to see them. Or the cute boy at baggage claim that helps you with your bags when you know full well that you would have had no problem getting them on your own. Not wonderful is the flight i had. 

    Let's start with security and the nickel guy. I don't know if it was senior day at MCO or if there was some sort of early bird special, but that place was crawling (or wheelchairing) with old people. So security was particularly slow. Every wheelchair and walker was searched. And this really got to me because I'm standing there shoeless watching an 80 year old woman spend 20 minutes trying to get her jacket off and they're worried that she might have weapons hidden in her wheelchair. Then there's the nickel guy. He walked through the metal detector and set it off so they asked him if he had anything in his pockets....oh yes he did! It was like he was emptying the contents of a pawn shop. He had on these cargo pants and there was something in every pocket. But mostly just a bunch of nickels. While nickel guys was doing his thing the people behind me started getting irritated-I thought about joining the voluntary "thorough pat down" line just to get out of there faster, but then i saw who would be giving that pat down. When it got to be my turn this couple behind me walked right in front of me. This didn't bother me at all because they failed to realize that my plastic contained stuff was ahead of theres. So not only were they not getting to their flight faster but they had to wait with my shoes and purse full of tampons. 

    My flight was a sold out flight so every seat was full. I just walked to the back of the plane and sat by the window. The UCF girls golf team was on this flight and they all wanted to sit together so they were saving seats and having people move around for them. One of them had two empty seats next to her and this girlfriend and her sugar daddy wanted to sit there but the golf girl told her they were saved-girlfriend was pissed, she got all "I didn't know you was allowed to save seats we all paid for? And I don't see your friends-ill sit there if i want!". Somehow Girlfriend ended up sitting next to me and she was a take-both-arm-rests kind of girl so i just looked out the window. Mid flight i started to hear music and i turn over and Girlfriend is be bopping to her ipod-now i never use the words "be bop" but that is the only possible way i could think to describe what she was doing. I looked over and Sugar Daddy and he was silent drumming to his music so i guess they work well together. When i handed my trash to the flight attendant me and Girlfriend made eye contact...mistake. I looked out the window the rest of the flight. 

      You know how earlier i talked about cute boys helping with luggage...well that never happens to me.  There was a cute and very strong man that watched me struggle with my bags and smiled at me when i almost fell into the pole. My life is not a movie. But i did get a picture with my flight attendent (you're welcome Andres) and a big hug from my niece Olive when i got to the door.
    I'll be here in Maryland until the 28th so i hope that you all at least pretend to miss me while im away.

Being a Super Nanny

     Nannying has taught me a lot about myself. Some things I've learned are just sad and won't benefit my life at all, they definitely won't benefit yours but I'm going to tell you anyway. I've seen a lot of Nick Jr., PBS Kids, and Disney Junior lately. Here's the run down: Nick Jr. has the best shows- my favorite is the Bubble Guppies, there's just something about child mermaids going into space with their goldfish teacher that i really love. Nick Jr. also has Team Umizoomi, I hate this show because I get into it way too easily. "Hey Umi Friend! You're good at shapes, will you help us find the key that opens the treasure box?" You know what, I am pretty good at shapes. I could probably help them find the right key. We are Umi Friends after all. "Use the circle!" Disney Junior is only good for the Little Einstein's, you have to turn it off before the Imagination Movers get ahold of you-you can't recover from that. As for PBS Kids, I try to avoid that channel all together.
     Coloring has become one of my favorite activities. I get really into it, sometimes too much. Edie will get out a coloring book and tell me which side to color and she'll do the other side, but halfway through she decides that mine looks better then hers and she'll start to color my side. I've got to say, it gets real frustrating to see Aladdin become a blue skinned Blonde. I'm getting better though. I bought myself a coloring book of my own so when I get home I can color freely. I also discovered Moon Dough, which is like Play Doughs cool older cousin. It's awesome-i could play with it all day long...sometimes I do.
     I've developed a passive-aggressive parenting style that may or may not (probably not) be helpful. "Whoa, this is a little bit awkward. I feel like I told you guys to put your shoes on, but then I went to get you juice and now im back and i still don't see your shoes on...so??" I also find myself using a lot of Mom phrases. "What did I say about..." "These lego's aren't going to put themselves away." "Everyone go potty now, we aren't stopping again." "Three more big girl bites." and my favorite, "guys, what am i going to say about this?"
     I've also learned that i'm really terrible at video games. I always kind of knew it but now its very apparent. Josh gets really frustrated with me because we lose whenever im on his team. The other day we were playing Wii Ski and he made me go through ski school because "its not fun to play with you when you don't know whats going on." Im getting a little better though-i still don't get to be first controller but i think we'll get there. They're just generally smart kids, today Edie explained Lucky Charms to me. "See these marshmallows, they are the charms. And that other stuff is the luckys." Who knew?
     I have a lot of fun with these kids, even when they decided they "aren't my friend anymore."or ask "when are you leaving?" but especially when we're snuggling on the couch watching Tangled or reading books in their beds. And every once in a while I get a "Nicole, I hope you're staying for dinner because i really like you." from Josh and it makes me smile- The other day he told me we were friends because we both like to talk. he said it was "right down our alley."-there really is nothing like being accepted by a seven year old.

     They make me very happy and I love 'em!
   

The Thing About Community College

   Since I have such a wealth of knowledge and the rest of the world is in the dark, I thought I would shed some light on another area of life. Community College. After spending three tragic years there, I pretty much have a handle on the place-sort of. We’re gonna go with the number system again.

1.                          Almost everyone there thinks you’re in real college. You’re not. Lets think about this for a minute- did you have to get accepted? No. Did you have to take the SAT? No. Can you get anything higher then a two-year degree? No. Did you play “two truths and a lie” on your first day of class? Yes. You’re not in real college. Which brings me right to point number 2.

2.                         Why do students in community college wear real colleges logos? We all know you don’t go to UCF, we have class with you here…at Seminole community college.

3.                         Almost everyone in Community College either is a parent or lives with theirs.

4.                  There’s this weird understanding people seem to have that says “we’re all friends.” I don’t agree with this, but it doesn’t stop everyone from talking to me. Just walk fast and hold a piece of paper-it will look like you have to be somewhere really important and people will leave you alone.

5.                          Positive side to Community Colleges: Moms. Classes are full of them! You definitely want to make friends with them as soon as you can. They’re great partners for projects because they know how to get it done and do it right. They’re also super supportive and think you’re really smart if you know how to make a Venn diagram. Another fun fact: they always have snacks!

The Thing About The Gym

This post is dedicated to all you first time gym goers like myself. After a week of working out at the local YMCA I like to consider myself an expert on the topic. You see, there are a few things they never tell you about the gym and I’d like to fill you in.

1.     First off, its nothing like the movies. The gym is not a place where relationships are made. Let me tell you what’s sexy about sweating your butt of while only carrying 2 pound weights…nothing! I’m speaking from experience. I march on that elliptical like a Christmas reindeer Rockette. And sorry to bust the myth ladies, but my observations have shown me that boys actually go to the gym to workout-I know…shocker! I am so on to you girls in your cut-off tank tops, treadmilling on the side facing the bench press. He’s not looking at you ma’am-you and your yoga pants should check out the closest Starbucks.

A family that works out together, stays together.

2.     There are certain times of the day you should avoid the gym or adapt to your surroundings. Here’s the break down- in the morning all the moms are there. They like to occupy the cardio equipment. Many of them come in pairs and sometimes they get a little chatty. Turn your music up and throw out a “Girl, no way you had ___ kids! You look great!” every once and a while and you’ll be good.  Around noon all the elderly show up. This can be good or bad. Old people like to cover all the bases at the gym but particularly the bicycles and the pool. This time is good because you don’t have to worry about anyone showing you up, but there is always that one air force veteran lifting cars in the corner and putting everyone else to shame.  After six is college/dad time. It’s when everyone’s off work and ready to be alone at the gym. Its best not to talk to strangers at this time. Just go by the headphone rule, if they have both in or none in- they don’t want to talk. If they have one in, casual conversation is fine-but keep it short, remember that last point.

3.     If you are doing any kind of vigorous running, don’t try to drink out of your water bottle. You will spill it-it will be embarrassing.

4.     Most gyms have a bin for sweaty towels. This bin looks like a trash can-don’t throw trash in it. And don’t get cocky with this fact and start throwing your used towels in the trashcan.

5.      Know your limits people. This isn’t the eighth grade where the fastest kid is the coolest. Sure, it’s impressive to lift heavy objects and out squat your friends-but its not cool to pass out in public or puke doing leg curls.

6.     Headband. Don’t get sweat in your eyes. Its gross.

Enjoy the gym everyone! 

It Hurts So Good

   Everyone knows that i'm an un-athletic person- so un-athletic that i don't own a single pair of sneakers. I only run during commercial breaks (to get to the refrigerator) and in the rain (to get to my car.) I get winded walking up a flight of stairs and i have to take "sit breaks" at the mall. The gym is a very foreign place to me. So you can imagine how much i hated today...Gym Day.

   Nathaniel and my Dad have been on this work out high recently-they have this fitness app on their phones they've been following for weeks. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is Gym Day. I usually have class on Gym Days but tonight some bozo decided to give the school a little bomb threat and i got suckered into going. Hudson gave me a pair of his shoes and everything! I was a little excited at first to be up in the gym workin on my fitness all Fergie style, but that changed about five minutes after challenging Nathaniel to a leg press competition. He won-i went to the elliptical and started playing Jesus music on my Ipod hoping God would send some angels to rescue me. Thats when i got the marvelous idea to go to the kickboxing class. Kickboxing. What a terrible, terrible thing. I got Dad to come with me; he pointed out that it was not a beginner class. I don't know if it was my 4 minute elliptical run or my cute workout clothes, but something made me think i would be okay in a non beginner kickboxing class. i was wrong, i was so wrong. I was DYING, and it was only the warm-up. We're squatting and holding, then we're pulsing and squatting, then we're kicking and squatting. My legs are very upset with me for that one. Then we did more punching then i've done, seen, or imagined. it just never ended. Jab. Cross. Hook. Elbow. "faster!" When we got to the Jab-Squat-Kick-Hook-Jump-Cross-Switch section i just looked over at Dad and mouthed "sorry." The whole room felt like a sauna. A sweaty nasty sauna. With every punch and every kick my body let me know how betrayed it felt. And i dont know what number system our little instructor friend was on but it was not okay with me. "Okay guys five more! here we go and one! (we do six more.) two! (we do ten more.) three! (i do two more and then quit.) four! (he smiles at me and i do not smile back.) five!" 45 minutes later and i've done more workout in that class then i've done in all my nineteen years of life. Just when the music starts to wind down and i think we're finished he says, "push-ups!" i did 4. And they were all girl push-ups.

   Even though i can't feel body parts at the moment-i did make it through the whole class. Because of this i have an undeserving level of arrogance and promised my dad that if i could walk tomorrow, i would meet him at the gym at 7 for "Muscle Toning"...

    

Are You Hungry For Some Games?

   Alright, let's be honest- I'm  in love! I'm in love with the Hunger Games! Now, I know what you're thinking- "Isn't the Hunger Games just a more adventurous version of Twilight? And aren't you dyslexic?" Both thoughts would be correct. If you gave Bella a bow and arrow and a mild personality, she would be Katniss. If Peeta sparkled in the sunlight and drove a volvo, he would be Edward. Somehow I feel like I can justify my love for the Hunger Games way more then all the Twi-hards out there can justify Twilight. As for the dyslexia-this is the first book I've read that made me forget I was reading backwards. This is the first book I've read that made me want to read more books. Seriously, I don't think reading is really pitched well. Hanging a poster of Whoopi Goldberg reading Huckleberry Finn is about as inspiring as dirt. We should just rally all the non-readers and force them to read the Hunger Games- they'll be readers for life. I'm very confident of this. My mom bought the books for Nathaniel as a Christmas gift. I guess she figured she would flip through the pages and make sure they weren't all about child cannibalism...but once she started she couldn't stop. By the time Christmas came around Mom, Allegra and I had read the whole series and Nathaniel got to open worn out books with doggie eared pages.
    A few days later the Martins came down and it was brought to my attention that they had never read the books. I took that truth very personally and we started a book club. For the next two days we spent every waking hour sitting in my bed reading the Hunger Games out loud. Allegra read most of it. Amanda reads with  no emotion and Stephanie reads like she's just run a marathon. When we were forced to leave the house we simply listened to the audio version in the car. But that version was pretty rough, the woman reading it sounds like a 60 year old smoker. The Martin girls quickly joined Team Hunger Games and we finished a book and a half during their stay. Since then I've been catching myself narrating my life Katniss style. I also have a stronger awareness of plants and large trees.
   I'm waiting for March 23rd like its my birthday.