The Thing About Flying

    The whole airport/flying experience has the potential to be really wonderful or really not wonderful.  Wonderful is the sweet old lady in the boarding line telling you all about her grandkids and how excited she is to see them. Or the cute boy at baggage claim that helps you with your bags when you know full well that you would have had no problem getting them on your own. Not wonderful is the flight i had. 

    Let's start with security and the nickel guy. I don't know if it was senior day at MCO or if there was some sort of early bird special, but that place was crawling (or wheelchairing) with old people. So security was particularly slow. Every wheelchair and walker was searched. And this really got to me because I'm standing there shoeless watching an 80 year old woman spend 20 minutes trying to get her jacket off and they're worried that she might have weapons hidden in her wheelchair. Then there's the nickel guy. He walked through the metal detector and set it off so they asked him if he had anything in his pockets....oh yes he did! It was like he was emptying the contents of a pawn shop. He had on these cargo pants and there was something in every pocket. But mostly just a bunch of nickels. While nickel guys was doing his thing the people behind me started getting irritated-I thought about joining the voluntary "thorough pat down" line just to get out of there faster, but then i saw who would be giving that pat down. When it got to be my turn this couple behind me walked right in front of me. This didn't bother me at all because they failed to realize that my plastic contained stuff was ahead of theres. So not only were they not getting to their flight faster but they had to wait with my shoes and purse full of tampons. 

    My flight was a sold out flight so every seat was full. I just walked to the back of the plane and sat by the window. The UCF girls golf team was on this flight and they all wanted to sit together so they were saving seats and having people move around for them. One of them had two empty seats next to her and this girlfriend and her sugar daddy wanted to sit there but the golf girl told her they were saved-girlfriend was pissed, she got all "I didn't know you was allowed to save seats we all paid for? And I don't see your friends-ill sit there if i want!". Somehow Girlfriend ended up sitting next to me and she was a take-both-arm-rests kind of girl so i just looked out the window. Mid flight i started to hear music and i turn over and Girlfriend is be bopping to her ipod-now i never use the words "be bop" but that is the only possible way i could think to describe what she was doing. I looked over and Sugar Daddy and he was silent drumming to his music so i guess they work well together. When i handed my trash to the flight attendant me and Girlfriend made eye contact...mistake. I looked out the window the rest of the flight. 

      You know how earlier i talked about cute boys helping with luggage...well that never happens to me.  There was a cute and very strong man that watched me struggle with my bags and smiled at me when i almost fell into the pole. My life is not a movie. But i did get a picture with my flight attendent (you're welcome Andres) and a big hug from my niece Olive when i got to the door.
    I'll be here in Maryland until the 28th so i hope that you all at least pretend to miss me while im away.

Being a Super Nanny

     Nannying has taught me a lot about myself. Some things I've learned are just sad and won't benefit my life at all, they definitely won't benefit yours but I'm going to tell you anyway. I've seen a lot of Nick Jr., PBS Kids, and Disney Junior lately. Here's the run down: Nick Jr. has the best shows- my favorite is the Bubble Guppies, there's just something about child mermaids going into space with their goldfish teacher that i really love. Nick Jr. also has Team Umizoomi, I hate this show because I get into it way too easily. "Hey Umi Friend! You're good at shapes, will you help us find the key that opens the treasure box?" You know what, I am pretty good at shapes. I could probably help them find the right key. We are Umi Friends after all. "Use the circle!" Disney Junior is only good for the Little Einstein's, you have to turn it off before the Imagination Movers get ahold of you-you can't recover from that. As for PBS Kids, I try to avoid that channel all together.
     Coloring has become one of my favorite activities. I get really into it, sometimes too much. Edie will get out a coloring book and tell me which side to color and she'll do the other side, but halfway through she decides that mine looks better then hers and she'll start to color my side. I've got to say, it gets real frustrating to see Aladdin become a blue skinned Blonde. I'm getting better though. I bought myself a coloring book of my own so when I get home I can color freely. I also discovered Moon Dough, which is like Play Doughs cool older cousin. It's awesome-i could play with it all day long...sometimes I do.
     I've developed a passive-aggressive parenting style that may or may not (probably not) be helpful. "Whoa, this is a little bit awkward. I feel like I told you guys to put your shoes on, but then I went to get you juice and now im back and i still don't see your shoes on...so??" I also find myself using a lot of Mom phrases. "What did I say about..." "These lego's aren't going to put themselves away." "Everyone go potty now, we aren't stopping again." "Three more big girl bites." and my favorite, "guys, what am i going to say about this?"
     I've also learned that i'm really terrible at video games. I always kind of knew it but now its very apparent. Josh gets really frustrated with me because we lose whenever im on his team. The other day we were playing Wii Ski and he made me go through ski school because "its not fun to play with you when you don't know whats going on." Im getting a little better though-i still don't get to be first controller but i think we'll get there. They're just generally smart kids, today Edie explained Lucky Charms to me. "See these marshmallows, they are the charms. And that other stuff is the luckys." Who knew?
     I have a lot of fun with these kids, even when they decided they "aren't my friend anymore."or ask "when are you leaving?" but especially when we're snuggling on the couch watching Tangled or reading books in their beds. And every once in a while I get a "Nicole, I hope you're staying for dinner because i really like you." from Josh and it makes me smile- The other day he told me we were friends because we both like to talk. he said it was "right down our alley."-there really is nothing like being accepted by a seven year old.

     They make me very happy and I love 'em!
   

The Thing About Community College

   Since I have such a wealth of knowledge and the rest of the world is in the dark, I thought I would shed some light on another area of life. Community College. After spending three tragic years there, I pretty much have a handle on the place-sort of. We’re gonna go with the number system again.

1.                          Almost everyone there thinks you’re in real college. You’re not. Lets think about this for a minute- did you have to get accepted? No. Did you have to take the SAT? No. Can you get anything higher then a two-year degree? No. Did you play “two truths and a lie” on your first day of class? Yes. You’re not in real college. Which brings me right to point number 2.

2.                         Why do students in community college wear real colleges logos? We all know you don’t go to UCF, we have class with you here…at Seminole community college.

3.                         Almost everyone in Community College either is a parent or lives with theirs.

4.                  There’s this weird understanding people seem to have that says “we’re all friends.” I don’t agree with this, but it doesn’t stop everyone from talking to me. Just walk fast and hold a piece of paper-it will look like you have to be somewhere really important and people will leave you alone.

5.                          Positive side to Community Colleges: Moms. Classes are full of them! You definitely want to make friends with them as soon as you can. They’re great partners for projects because they know how to get it done and do it right. They’re also super supportive and think you’re really smart if you know how to make a Venn diagram. Another fun fact: they always have snacks!

The Thing About The Gym

This post is dedicated to all you first time gym goers like myself. After a week of working out at the local YMCA I like to consider myself an expert on the topic. You see, there are a few things they never tell you about the gym and I’d like to fill you in.

1.     First off, its nothing like the movies. The gym is not a place where relationships are made. Let me tell you what’s sexy about sweating your butt of while only carrying 2 pound weights…nothing! I’m speaking from experience. I march on that elliptical like a Christmas reindeer Rockette. And sorry to bust the myth ladies, but my observations have shown me that boys actually go to the gym to workout-I know…shocker! I am so on to you girls in your cut-off tank tops, treadmilling on the side facing the bench press. He’s not looking at you ma’am-you and your yoga pants should check out the closest Starbucks.

A family that works out together, stays together.

2.     There are certain times of the day you should avoid the gym or adapt to your surroundings. Here’s the break down- in the morning all the moms are there. They like to occupy the cardio equipment. Many of them come in pairs and sometimes they get a little chatty. Turn your music up and throw out a “Girl, no way you had ___ kids! You look great!” every once and a while and you’ll be good.  Around noon all the elderly show up. This can be good or bad. Old people like to cover all the bases at the gym but particularly the bicycles and the pool. This time is good because you don’t have to worry about anyone showing you up, but there is always that one air force veteran lifting cars in the corner and putting everyone else to shame.  After six is college/dad time. It’s when everyone’s off work and ready to be alone at the gym. Its best not to talk to strangers at this time. Just go by the headphone rule, if they have both in or none in- they don’t want to talk. If they have one in, casual conversation is fine-but keep it short, remember that last point.

3.     If you are doing any kind of vigorous running, don’t try to drink out of your water bottle. You will spill it-it will be embarrassing.

4.     Most gyms have a bin for sweaty towels. This bin looks like a trash can-don’t throw trash in it. And don’t get cocky with this fact and start throwing your used towels in the trashcan.

5.      Know your limits people. This isn’t the eighth grade where the fastest kid is the coolest. Sure, it’s impressive to lift heavy objects and out squat your friends-but its not cool to pass out in public or puke doing leg curls.

6.     Headband. Don’t get sweat in your eyes. Its gross.

Enjoy the gym everyone! 

It Hurts So Good

   Everyone knows that i'm an un-athletic person- so un-athletic that i don't own a single pair of sneakers. I only run during commercial breaks (to get to the refrigerator) and in the rain (to get to my car.) I get winded walking up a flight of stairs and i have to take "sit breaks" at the mall. The gym is a very foreign place to me. So you can imagine how much i hated today...Gym Day.

   Nathaniel and my Dad have been on this work out high recently-they have this fitness app on their phones they've been following for weeks. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is Gym Day. I usually have class on Gym Days but tonight some bozo decided to give the school a little bomb threat and i got suckered into going. Hudson gave me a pair of his shoes and everything! I was a little excited at first to be up in the gym workin on my fitness all Fergie style, but that changed about five minutes after challenging Nathaniel to a leg press competition. He won-i went to the elliptical and started playing Jesus music on my Ipod hoping God would send some angels to rescue me. Thats when i got the marvelous idea to go to the kickboxing class. Kickboxing. What a terrible, terrible thing. I got Dad to come with me; he pointed out that it was not a beginner class. I don't know if it was my 4 minute elliptical run or my cute workout clothes, but something made me think i would be okay in a non beginner kickboxing class. i was wrong, i was so wrong. I was DYING, and it was only the warm-up. We're squatting and holding, then we're pulsing and squatting, then we're kicking and squatting. My legs are very upset with me for that one. Then we did more punching then i've done, seen, or imagined. it just never ended. Jab. Cross. Hook. Elbow. "faster!" When we got to the Jab-Squat-Kick-Hook-Jump-Cross-Switch section i just looked over at Dad and mouthed "sorry." The whole room felt like a sauna. A sweaty nasty sauna. With every punch and every kick my body let me know how betrayed it felt. And i dont know what number system our little instructor friend was on but it was not okay with me. "Okay guys five more! here we go and one! (we do six more.) two! (we do ten more.) three! (i do two more and then quit.) four! (he smiles at me and i do not smile back.) five!" 45 minutes later and i've done more workout in that class then i've done in all my nineteen years of life. Just when the music starts to wind down and i think we're finished he says, "push-ups!" i did 4. And they were all girl push-ups.

   Even though i can't feel body parts at the moment-i did make it through the whole class. Because of this i have an undeserving level of arrogance and promised my dad that if i could walk tomorrow, i would meet him at the gym at 7 for "Muscle Toning"...

    

Are You Hungry For Some Games?

   Alright, let's be honest- I'm  in love! I'm in love with the Hunger Games! Now, I know what you're thinking- "Isn't the Hunger Games just a more adventurous version of Twilight? And aren't you dyslexic?" Both thoughts would be correct. If you gave Bella a bow and arrow and a mild personality, she would be Katniss. If Peeta sparkled in the sunlight and drove a volvo, he would be Edward. Somehow I feel like I can justify my love for the Hunger Games way more then all the Twi-hards out there can justify Twilight. As for the dyslexia-this is the first book I've read that made me forget I was reading backwards. This is the first book I've read that made me want to read more books. Seriously, I don't think reading is really pitched well. Hanging a poster of Whoopi Goldberg reading Huckleberry Finn is about as inspiring as dirt. We should just rally all the non-readers and force them to read the Hunger Games- they'll be readers for life. I'm very confident of this. My mom bought the books for Nathaniel as a Christmas gift. I guess she figured she would flip through the pages and make sure they weren't all about child cannibalism...but once she started she couldn't stop. By the time Christmas came around Mom, Allegra and I had read the whole series and Nathaniel got to open worn out books with doggie eared pages.
    A few days later the Martins came down and it was brought to my attention that they had never read the books. I took that truth very personally and we started a book club. For the next two days we spent every waking hour sitting in my bed reading the Hunger Games out loud. Allegra read most of it. Amanda reads with  no emotion and Stephanie reads like she's just run a marathon. When we were forced to leave the house we simply listened to the audio version in the car. But that version was pretty rough, the woman reading it sounds like a 60 year old smoker. The Martin girls quickly joined Team Hunger Games and we finished a book and a half during their stay. Since then I've been catching myself narrating my life Katniss style. I also have a stronger awareness of plants and large trees.
   I'm waiting for March 23rd like its my birthday.

Stephanie Proule is a very Good Thing

   So you're probably (definitely) thinking, "Whoa Nicole, this blog is amazing and the layout is so cool i can barely even stand it!" I know. thats because my cousin Steph is good at everything she does and she also hated that i was using the default layout. She is the best kind of person. Also she is the only person who honestly told me my blog sucked...so thanks all you "friends".

   Now because i have a blog, that gives me full permission to complain about things and i've done a pretty decent job of not doing any of that...until now. Why? Because i have a paper and a presentation due in a week and i haven't started on either. Imagining myself sitting and working at a wooden Starbucks table next to creepy hipster strangers doesn't appeal to me at all. Okay, that's all i wanted to say about that.

   Tonight i babysat the Abbott kids again and they are the best! I love them so much! Tonight was another game of pirates followed by playing house. I learned that i really love pretending to be a pirate and that i don't love having to take a nap because Mamma Eden told me to. I taught Caleb how to make different things with his beads-you know the whole spider web trick. He's really great at it now and when i came over tonight he made up his own shapes-so now i can make my bead necklace look like a twistee treat and a tie.

   So basically what you should get out of this post is that i love my cousin, i love the Abbott's and if you want to hang out with me this week-i'll be at Starbucks.

Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday.

   Blog question: If someone spends the day with me and blogs about it, is it okay for me to just copy and paste their post onto my blog and put the whole thing in quotes? Or is that against blogging rules. I just feel like i shouldn't have to write it out when it's already been written. Moving on...

   Monday: Halloween day! I'm a child and on halloween everyone finds out. There is nothing i love more then getting all dressed up as something ridiculously wonderful and getting candy for it...yes, i still go trick-or-treating. Every year i try to take my costume one step further, but i feel like they've all been pretty even. This year me and Allegra were statues-NOT ghosts. I don't know why everyone thought that. I would have spent way less time on a ghost costume. We spent a great deal of time perfecting statue poses only to see people open their doors and say "How spooky!" It was a lot of fun though. Im really glad i have a sister who's always right there with me.

   Tuesday: We switched doctors and no one had been to the new doctor yet. Aaron was supposed to go and check this place out, but he had to work. So Dad called me and asked if i would go. I'm not sick. I went anyway. On the way over i tried to think of every possible thing that was wrong with me. I settled on the sore throat i had (that i was already on medicine for.) The thing i really hate about the doctor is that no matter what i go in for, i always feel way worse coming out. Every time they ask me a health question i feel like there could be a chance i have that issue. "No, i don't feel dizzy...well i might-maybe a little. Sometimes i feel dizzy-oh shoot i think im dizzy." "Nope, no terminal illnesses...wait, does this look like skin cancer to you?" "When you say 'head aches'..." So that was tuesday.

   Wednesday: Disney Day. It was a super good time, a real average day at Walt Disney World. We ate some food, saw some shows, and rode some rides. (this is the part where i just want to paste in Michelle's post...you would all like it a lot more.) I still have the small world song stuck in my head so thats a bummer-that ride freaks me out. I had a great time with all my favorite people and i learned that dreams really do come true! All you have to do is believe!

Mom's Speech.

   So today was Mom's long awaited graduation speech. She went back to school for her MBA at Webster University and graduated last June. They asked her to give a speech at the big graduation for over 1,000 people. So we've heard her speech a lot. She did a really great job and everyone loved it, but the part they were most crazed about was the fact that she has seven kids. Mom often compares herself to snow white and this speech was no exception. As soon as he said "Snow White looks after seven little people-so do I." The crowd couldn't control there shock. The thing about this speech is that she portrays us so well and makes us sound like a perfect group of respectable young adults. We figured as long as no one knew we were her kids then we'd be golden. But as soon as she finished Nathaniel yells out "That's my Momma!" and it was all down hill from there. Everyone there tried their best to not look like they were staring at us but it was pretty darn obvious. We were video taped on two occasions.  We put Mom right to shame. Hudson kept trying to start the clap before everyone else did, but this usually meant him cutting people off while they were talking which was bad. At one point he even lost his gum, but don't worry he found it...on the back of my dress. Nathaniel decided to wear a zipper tie which supplied us all with great entertainment as always. Evan FatBoothed everyone in our row and Jordan and Allegra recruited the lady in front of us to cheer for Mom when they called her name. Mom is a real champion for raising all of us the way she did. And for loving us even when the only contribution we could make on her big day was getting up early and putting on the clothes she laid out for us the night before. She's amazing and i love her and I'm so proud of her!

This was the best picture we got of all of us...it's so Kauffman.

Being a Kauffman

My cousin Stephanie told me she would like to read more blog posts about my family. So here is a little glimpse into the Kauffman family. I am going to warn you in advance that you're going to read things you cannot unread and see things you cannot un-see. If you've ever been over for dinner then you know exactly what i mean. Just before writing this i discovered a severe amount of blood in my sink (my nice clean sink). This probably means that Hudson had a nosebleed in my bathroom (my nice clean bathroom). Most people would be bothered by that-im not, or going to see if he needs help-im not. Im sure whoever gave him this nosebleed had proper motives. See, Hudson likes to do this thing where he hides in your room, sometimes for extended periods of time, waiting for you to come in so he can jump out and scare you. Last week he was in my closet. he scared me so bad i jumped up and accidentally kneed him in the face. So when people get hurt around here no one is really alarmed.

That Time Courtney Cooke Came to Visit/My Longest Post

   The always wonderful Courtney Cooke came to Orlando this past weekend for a wedding and stayed with us. She is a splendid human being and if i could be with her all the time i would-she's great! On Thursday i picked up Michelle and we drove to New Smyrna Beach to meet up with Courtney and her traveling buddy Bethany (who is also the best!). We had a beach dance party, played some soccer (kind of),  and found a dead crab. It was a classic beach day. On the way home me and Mitch stopped for some Frozen Gold and payed in all change-that's what they get for only taking cash! We had some really great car conversation and car karaoke, followed by 45 minutes of traffic on I-4. Worth it.

   After the extended drive home we were off to a much needed bible study at the Graham's. I'm glad Michelle got to come with us-i always love taking her around with me so she can see my life. She is so much like her mom-feeding me snacks while i drive, not letting me stay up too late,  making sure i eat breakfast. I love it!

Lizzie Reads My Blog Now

Hey Friends, my life has been crazy exciting! Every moment is a sheer thrill! So much adventure that i haven't been able to blog about any of it! This picture pretty much sums up the last month...

I Have Two Blog Followers

This past saturday we went to Wet 'n Wild for Nathaniel's birthday. "We" meaning my family and about five of Nathaniel's strangest friends. I had the sheer joy of driving them there. Conversation covered a variety of topics-we discussed which of his friends could chug water the fastest (it was the asian kid), why Tommy knew all the words to "Baby", farting, a girl named "Yasmin", football, more farting (for some reason it's funny every time.) and dating. I thought the dating topic was particularly interesting because these kids are in middle school. I never dated in middle school, or

     Blogging is a lot of hard work and i still haven't figured out if i like it or not...im leaning towards not. Half the time i can't even remember my day and when i do remember and start to type it out it just sounds way less exciting then i thought it was. But maybe someday someone will ask me what i did on the first day of September in 2011 and i'll be able to say "i blogged about it!". So basically i force myself to type out my life so that on the off chance someone cares about my thursdays i can accurately fill them in.

     I guess i'll start with Tuesday...Allegra has been looking for a job for a while now and i was able to get her an interview at Plato's Closet-the only problem was that we both have medieval Humanities on Tuesday nights and it was the same time as the interview. So i told her to just go and that i would take notes for her and catch her up later on. Allegra is usually the one that does that for me..even when i come to class. I tried to make sure I got all the information i needed so that i would be able to

It's been less then a week and i already forgot i had a blog. I am such a disappointment. Now i guess i should do one of those really long posts where i sum up my week using vivid detail and several pictures so that you (mom and michelle) feel like you lived my life with me. But i honestly can't remember a whole lot so i'll just give some bullet points.
          - Thursday was my last day teaching swim lessons for Swimkids USA. I love the job but Winter Garden is too far of a drive for me to make. The whole day was pretty bitter sweet. A lot of these kids started when they were babies, so i've watched them grow up and they've been apart of my life. Today i watched little Mia swim freestyle across the pool-when i first met her she was a 2 year old girl who was afraid of the water. I am really going to miss all my little kiddos! What i wont miss is all the kicking and punching and screaming and "i hate you Mrs. Cole"'s (i dont understand why "nicole" is so hard for them to say...and why the "Mrs"? im not married!). But i loved that job while it lasted and i'll miss it for sure.

Let's talk about my day. I went with Michelle to get her all moved in to her fabulous new apartment. She had an orientation that lasted about three hours and she had to go to it all alone (welcome to the real world little lady!) so that left me and my Aunt with some serious bonding time in the Florida heat-on the plus side we got "Friends and Family of a Disney Cast Member" bottons. Talk about exciting times! You know i wore mine all day long! There was also a man that came around with cookies and at one point he set his tray down to go get a drink-we ate every last one of them :) <- first blog smily face! After regretting my outrageous cookie consumption i got to meet Michelle's tragic roommates. these girls must be possessed with Disney magic, they were CRAZY! And one in particular-at first i thought she was just really excited, then it just got ridiculous..."OH MY GOD WE HAVE BOWLS! AHHHHHH! FREAKING OUR BOWLS!!!!!" and about every 5 or so minutes she would come into Michelle's room to say "we live here! we LIVE HERE!" she was bundles of joy. I'm just waiting for one of the other girls to take her out. All of her energy really wore me out-i am so ready for bed. Goodnight everyone reading my blog...so goodnight Mom and Michelle.

Nothing happened today.

So, I blog now. I don’t really have any special reasons for it though. I’m not moving, I didn’t get married or have a baby and my life is not that exciting-I just really like talking about myself and for some reason that’s more acceptable to do in blog form. I’ll probably be really into it for about a month and then never be on it again until something really crazy happens or I stop having friends and I'm forced to spend my life on facebook and watching youtube videos. But until then this is what its going to be, I’m not sure what the blogging rules are and even if I was I’m not sure if I would follow them. I don’t know if I should look at this like a journal entry or just a really long status update…but then again what’s the difference? So here it is. My Blog. Appropriately titled. 

Now let's get down to blogger business, i'll tell you about my life. My cousin Michelle is here from Maryland for the next 6 months-which means my life just turned into a 6 month party and I have a new sidekick slash best friend! I can't wait to take her everywhere with me and blog about it afterwards. There are going to be lots of movie nights, car dance parties, starbucks dates, mall trips, and afternoon naps. She's crazy and I love her and i'm ready...for all of it!